To begin by summing up: July has been a total bitch. Twenty days in and so far we’ve had two parents in hospital, one parent in and out of urgent care several times, one bestest friend undergoing major surgery and overcoming the mental challenges that go with that, another close friend having to call an ambulance because of a suspected stroke, friends of friends dying, and of course on top of all of that work has been very ‘trying’ (always an understatement).
The first 11 days of the month were just relentless as one day after the other we were faced with yet more bad news. It must have been bad as the head of my team (not my boss, not her boss, but THE BOSS) asked me if I was okay as I had my head buried in my phone trying to deal with another text letting me know about more overnight urgent care visits…
R E L E N T L E S S
It’s so hard when your main feeling is one of utter helplessness. You can’t actually do anything useful, other than be there for the people letting you know all of the bad news. And quite honestly? It’s overwhelming. To be suddenly faced with the mortality of parents is one thing, but when it’s your friends too? Absolute, heart-sinking devastation.
I’m coming in quickly to let you know that the tide seems to be starting to turn. We have one parent home and recovering. The other one is due to have surgery later this week that will hopefully put them back on the path to normal, healthy, everyday life. The major surgery went well with no complications and our dear friend is home to begin her recovery too. Thank goodness the suspected stroke was a false alarm. Work is still just work and always will be.
When I find myself on the verge of tears at work, something that I never ever do, I know it’s been a tough time. No matter how strong you believe yourself to be there is only so much any human can take before it all becomes too much. Tempers fray, stress rears its ugly head and I retreat inside. Never one for making a big deal out of things, this time I let people know what was going on. A lot of people checked in on me and for this I will always be grateful. Every single day the big boss asked me how I was and if everyone was still at home. Messages, calls, all these things mean the world when you’re going through stuff.
Home becomes sanctuary. Even if you hardly get to see the face of your favourite human because there’s always something to do, someone to see, somewhere to be. The biggest thing is recognising that you need to just stop. Be quiet, stare off into space, basically just be.
There’s 11 days left of July and I hope they don’t end the same way as it begun. I’m ready for the month to be done and am desperately hoping that August works out to be less bitchy and much more pleasant.
Until then? Keep on keeping on. Cherish the small moments, keep battling through the big ones. Hold my loved ones close and tell them I love them. We *shall* overcome.